[She grabs her head, squeezing it tight, as if if she just tries hard enough, she can drag these horrible, traitorous thoughts out of her skull.
It's hard to hear this. It hurts even more than it hurt to hear Adora abandon her. Why is everything like this? Why can't everything be simple?
Why can't they just be cadets again, when the world was simple?]
Of course I refused! I wanted you to hurt! I want you to hurt! I want you to feel exactly what you put me through! When we were both there, I could put up with whatever, because you made a promise, but you broke that promise! Shadow Weaver hurting me was fine, but not 'innocents'?! What innocents, Adora?! I was a kid!
[ 'So was I!' she wants to defend. Logically, Adora knows what she could have done for Catra was limited. Favorite or not, if Adora had pushed too hard against Shadow Weaver it would have ended horribly for both of them. Especially for Catra.
But right now, that doesn't matter. Being right doesn't matter.
It kills Adora to see Catra hurting, it always has.
This time, Adora doesn't care if it will get Catra lashing out with her claws. She surges forward, taking Catra's face in her hands. ]
I'm sorry, Catra. I'm really, truly sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.
[ If nothing else comes of this conversation, it's the one thing Adora needs to say. ]
Her hurting you wasn't okay. It was never okay. I'm sorry for being a bad friend. You deserved better. I'm just...so sorry.
[She shakes her head, almost thrashing her body under Adora's grasp, but oddly, she's not... attacking Adora.]
You're lying! You have to be! You already left, and now- I opened that portal! Now Hordak's dead, or something, Sparkles is the queen, Etheria's some kind of superweapon, and I don't know what's going on! Everything's wrong, the world is falling apart, and it's because of me!
Hopefully DW doesn't eat this one bc I could swear I already replied???
[ she doesn't understand any of that, honestly, and for a moment Adora wars with herself. it's such an important thing to hear and she has a thousand and one questions, but-- ]
I'm not lying, I swear. Whatever happened, we'll handle it together.
[ Finally throwing away any concern of Catra lashing out, she tries to grab for Catra's hands to pull them away from her head. ]
Please, just calm down and listen to me. I don't want you to "come crawling back", I don't want to you to be-- be some sort of sidekick, I just want-- [ Adora wants a lot of stuff. But since this entire thing started, there's only one thing she's really wanted, more than it all. ] I just want--!
[ Her voice finally cracks, and though she tries, Adora can't stop the tears. She tries not to let herself cry, most of the time. A strong leader wouldn't break down in tears at every stressful thing. But in all of it, had she ever really let herself feel how much losing Catra had hurt? ]
I messed up so much, I know that. B-but... I never wanted to leave you. I never wanted to make you feel less or second best. I never wanted to be enemies, Catra.
[ She's had to train herself not to show weakness to Catra, but she can't hold back the heaving sob that escapes her. ]
[How is she supposed to handle this now? What is she supposed to do? She resists, but it's weak, her hands slowly being pulled away.]
That's- That's all I ever wanted! We were supposed to- To take over, to run the Horde ourselves, one day, and...
[She doubles over again, trying not to sob.]
And now you're- You're a Princess, and Scorpia left, and- And Hordak's dead, and Double Trouble- It's all gone so wrong, and it's all my fault, so what else can I do but keep going down this until it all means something?!
I didn't care about running the Horde or ruling the world. I just wanted to be with you.
[ And that one, enduring wish had gotten lost in...everything. In the fighting and the tears and the chaos.
It hurts, seeing Catra so broken up. Catra, who she hadn't seen cry since they were small. Who always tried so hard to be untouchable, too tough to ever be hurt.
In one swift move, Adora leans forward to press a soft kiss to her forehead before pulling Catra closer to her for a hug.
Adora isn't sure what possesses her to do it. The kiss is something she's seen Queen Angella do so many times for Glimmer when the stress became too much and her friend was freaking out. It always seemed to help when her friends pulled her close and just held on for a little while.
Wrestling, hair pulling, kicking and chasing... It had been a constant in their lives growing up, affection only encouraged in rough and tumble ways lest a soldier seem soft.
Maybe they would have been happier if something as comforting as a hug had been acceptable back then. ]
It does still mean something. It means you were smarter and stronger than anyone gave you credit for. And you're strong enough to try another way, to learn and be better. [ Adora's tears drip into Catra's hair as she weeps. ] Whatever happened, whatever you've done-- We can face it, together. Like we always should have.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It's hard to hear this. It hurts even more than it hurt to hear Adora abandon her. Why is everything like this? Why can't everything be simple?
Why can't they just be cadets again, when the world was simple?]
Of course I refused! I wanted you to hurt! I want you to hurt! I want you to feel exactly what you put me through! When we were both there, I could put up with whatever, because you made a promise, but you broke that promise! Shadow Weaver hurting me was fine, but not 'innocents'?! What innocents, Adora?! I was a kid!
no subject
But right now, that doesn't matter. Being right doesn't matter.
It kills Adora to see Catra hurting, it always has.
This time, Adora doesn't care if it will get Catra lashing out with her claws. She surges forward, taking Catra's face in her hands. ]
I'm sorry, Catra. I'm really, truly sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.
[ If nothing else comes of this conversation, it's the one thing Adora needs to say. ]
Her hurting you wasn't okay. It was never okay. I'm sorry for being a bad friend. You deserved better. I'm just...so sorry.
no subject
Why are you saying this now?! When it's too late?!
no subject
[ Adora doesn't release the girl's face, not back off even with the threat of claws. ]
I'll be there with you every step of the way, for real this time. I'm not making the same mistake again. I won't leave you behind ever again.
no subject
You're lying! You have to be! You already left, and now- I opened that portal! Now Hordak's dead, or something, Sparkles is the queen, Etheria's some kind of superweapon, and I don't know what's going on! Everything's wrong, the world is falling apart, and it's because of me!
Hopefully DW doesn't eat this one bc I could swear I already replied???
I'm not lying, I swear. Whatever happened, we'll handle it together.
DW is broken i guess!
How dare you say that to me now?! Am I supposed to just- come crawling back to you, because I've already ruined things with everyone else?!
well it needs to stop!!!
[ Finally throwing away any concern of Catra lashing out, she tries to grab for Catra's hands to pull them away from her head. ]
Please, just calm down and listen to me. I don't want you to "come crawling back", I don't want to you to be-- be some sort of sidekick, I just want-- [ Adora wants a lot of stuff. But since this entire thing started, there's only one thing she's really wanted, more than it all. ] I just want--!
[ Her voice finally cracks, and though she tries, Adora can't stop the tears. She tries not to let herself cry, most of the time. A strong leader wouldn't break down in tears at every stressful thing. But in all of it, had she ever really let herself feel how much losing Catra had hurt? ]
I messed up so much, I know that. B-but... I never wanted to leave you. I never wanted to make you feel less or second best. I never wanted to be enemies, Catra.
[ She's had to train herself not to show weakness to Catra, but she can't hold back the heaving sob that escapes her. ]
I just want my best friend back.
no subject
That's- That's all I ever wanted! We were supposed to- To take over, to run the Horde ourselves, one day, and...
[She doubles over again, trying not to sob.]
And now you're- You're a Princess, and Scorpia left, and- And Hordak's dead, and Double Trouble- It's all gone so wrong, and it's all my fault, so what else can I do but keep going down this until it all means something?!
no subject
[ And that one, enduring wish had gotten lost in...everything. In the fighting and the tears and the chaos.
It hurts, seeing Catra so broken up. Catra, who she hadn't seen cry since they were small. Who always tried so hard to be untouchable, too tough to ever be hurt.
In one swift move, Adora leans forward to press a soft kiss to her forehead before pulling Catra closer to her for a hug.
Adora isn't sure what possesses her to do it. The kiss is something she's seen Queen Angella do so many times for Glimmer when the stress became too much and her friend was freaking out. It always seemed to help when her friends pulled her close and just held on for a little while.
Wrestling, hair pulling, kicking and chasing... It had been a constant in their lives growing up, affection only encouraged in rough and tumble ways lest a soldier seem soft.
Maybe they would have been happier if something as comforting as a hug had been acceptable back then. ]
It does still mean something. It means you were smarter and stronger than anyone gave you credit for. And you're strong enough to try another way, to learn and be better. [ Adora's tears drip into Catra's hair as she weeps. ] Whatever happened, whatever you've done-- We can face it, together. Like we always should have.